After a fantastic homemade dinner at Aunt Kymmie's, La Madre, El Hermano, and La Novia, and PooPoo all headed home, with PooPoo riding in the car with me.  I'm in the lead, and all the sudden, I see flashing blue lights behind me.  Then I see more.  So I'm like, WTF.....I check my speed, my lights, all that, and then slowly creep along looking for a place to pull over.  Now it's been less than a minute that the lights have been going, and I finally find a place, and park the car.  Right at this instant, Mom calls me on my cell phone, and I pick up to tell her that I've been pulled over.  The cop comes up to my window, and I've put my phone down and rolled down my window.  He tells me to turn off the phone and give him my license, registration, and proof of insurance.  While I was searching, he asks me if I've been drinking, and where I'm coming from.  I ended up not finding my insurance card, and he yells at me that I was swerving all over the road, and that he could swear on his life that I was drunk, and that he had his lights and sirens on from some place a mile away, and that I passed plenty of places to stop, and that I was on my cell phone the whole time.  I was too confused to deny it.  He continues to yell at me that by being on the cell phone and having my dog in the car that I'm endangering myself and others. 

Then Mom pulls up, and I'm not quite sure what happened there, but the cop told her that if she didn't go to the Exxon down the street that she'd go to jail.

So after what seemed like an eternity of sitting in his cruiser, he comes back and gets all sincere saying that I need to be careful, because he doesn't want to be scraping me off the street somewhere because of some silly mistake in driving.  He gives me my warning, and says that he sent my mom to the Exxon, (and at this point, I was just kind of sitting there in mild shock) and that he didn't know who was more hysterical, me or her, but the he was gonna say her. (It was at this point that I started to cry.)  He gave me the rest of my stuff, and went to talk to some random trucker who pulled over to watch.

Mkay, so I have a few questions.

1.  If he was so sure I was drunk, why didn't he give me a breathalyzer, or make me walk a straight line, or say the ABCs' backwards?

2.  We looked it up, and the street he said he followed me with sirens on from was about 2 miles up the road, past the courthouse.  The place I was leaving was about a football field’s length away from the courthouse.  How did I miraculously get to somewhere I hadn't been, stop at a Rite Aid, and continue home before they "caught up to me"?

3. Assuming they made a mistake, and there actually was someone swerving and all, why didn't they catch the plate number?

4.  How were they chasing me when Mom was between us in her car the whole way?

5.  Assuming that they just wanted to fill their quota, WHY ME?!

So I got a warning for nothing at all.  I was scared shitless, because I hadn't done anything, and two fucking state cops pulled me over.  So needless to say, this wasn't how I was planning of finishing up my weekend.